My ethical and vegan struggles lately

I have been vegan for over 2 years now. When I decided to live this lifestyle I went 200% for it. I quit animal products overnight. Threw away all my unethical make-up and beauty products. Learned about the ethics when it comes to leather, wool, silk, ... I watched every documetary ever made about veganism, healty lifestyle, unethical fashion. You name it and I have probaly seen it. I felt so ready to take on this new adventure and passion for something bigger than myself, to save this planet and the vulnerable animals living on it with us. The only non vegan stuff I still owned were leather shoes and some wool sweaters and scarfs. That was it. I felt great! I was for the first time my life happy again and excited to live this life. The first year I was vegan I was mostly inspired by these picture perfect people I saw online. I felt like I needed a life like them to be truly happy. I didn't realize it back then, but now I see how I was just trying to be someone I saw online. They all seemed so happy and without any worris. Which btw if you think realistily you know no ones life is picture perfect. We all have shit in our life. It might have been wrong to try to make my life like theirs but in a way it really helped me to try and be the best vegan out there. I barely ate junk. Only fruits, vegetbles, rice, pasta and beans. I ate in abundance. Never worried about calories I never craved unhealthy packaged foods. I felt like a new person. Everything was just perfect. I also never felt the urge to buy leathers shoes or make-up tested on animals, because I had seen all these horrifying video's where they show what really goes on behind the scenes. I was repulsed by that. I never wanted to support that Industry ever again in my life. It made me sick to my stomach that people could support animals and human being abused like that. I never stepped into H&M or Zara ever again. 

what do I put on my face

Make-up, something I have love hate relationship with. I have terrible acne, you might not be able to tell on these pictures but it's there and I hate it. So I wear make-up to cover it up. I have the confidence to go outside without all this shit on my face. I do it often, but I don't like the way I look at all with all these red pimpeles over my chin and cheeks so when I want to like feel myself I cover it up. The thing is, I love make-up. It's an art in my opinion, you can express yourself with it, make-up is not only foundation and concealer to cover your bad skin, it can be so much more: glitters, bright colors, crazy eyeshadow, ... I love those kinda things. So I don't mind putting on make-up. What I do mind is that now I know I don't only put it on because I want to express myself but because I want to cover something. That's why I hate it on the other hand. Lately I have experimenting more so it doesn't just feel like covering up, and it's been amazing. I have so much fun putting it on in the morning and can't wait to start experimenting more.

1958

Summer 0013

It was right in that moment I realized I was only in love with the idea if you. I was sitting at the ocean with my eyes closed and like a movie the past couple of weeks flashed before my eyes. His voice, I can still hear it in my ears it's almost as if he is standing right next to me like he did so many days ago. He had this powerful voice filled with confidence which made me look up to him in a way I had never looked up to anyone before. He had this voice that would make you silent and only want to listen to him. I could never speak like that. I still remember the fist time I saw him. He had blonde curly hair that fell in front of his eyes and he didn't even bother to move it aside, he just let it be. He was skateboarding whilst holding a sigaret in one hand and keeping balance with the other. He wore this oversized pink t-shirt and green swimming trunks with yellow flowers on it. The colors totally clashed and I liked it for some reason that I can't really explain. When he busted me looking at him he showed me this subtle smile, almost saying he didn't care but cared just enough to let me see he noticed I was on the same square. After that I didn't see him for 3 whole days, I had almost forgotten about him. 

stripes in a winter blues