Friday, December 29, 2017

Leaving 2017 behind

Friday, December 29, 2017
Two days and we are officially in the year 2018. 2018. That's crazy.
When I was 10 the teacher asked us what we wanted to be when we were grown-ups. I knew my answer without having to think about it for a second. I wanted to be an interior designer. It had always been my dream to decorate these big houses, make them pretty and colorful. I knew I was going to be an interior designer someday, but I was so confused that the teacher was already bothering us with questions that were lifetimes away. It would take what felt like a thousands years before I would eventually be doing that job. At 10 years old time was only slowly passing by. The hours in one day felt like forever, imagine thinking about what someone could accomplish in 5 years or more. The thought of me being old was something I couldn't imagine and was something I thought I never had to worry about. I was this little kid that was never afraid of time. I never felt rushed to accomplish anything in life, because life felt like an eternity. I just lived. I just lived this happy unstressful life.


Now being 21, and feeling like my life is flashing before my eyes I am afraid of time, so so afraid. Time is just ticking away, I am only getting older, not accomplishing any of my dreams. Life is this crazy thing we only get offered once. When I start thinking like this, my mind goes crazy. I want to cheat, pause time and live forever. I feel like an average of 70 years isn't doing it for me. I am 21 now, still going to college to become an occupational therapist, because I feel I will not succeed in life without a degree. Because that's how our society works. You need a degree to find a job so you can pay your bills and get some food on the table. That's how we need to live our life to survive. Those are basic human needs. But do I want to be on this planet surviving or living? Right now it feels like surviving. I hate surviving. I hate everything about it. It's not fun, adventurous or unique in any way whatsoever. I hate feeling ordinary. And school makes me feel that way. But here I am I graduated high school 4 years ago and I am still trying to graduate college. Since I struggle with learning it will still take me 2 or 3 years to graduate. So I will maybe be 25 when I leave school. And only after that, I will be able to follow my dreams. Oh no, wait. When I graduate I will search for a job so I can buy an apartment. And maybe start a family. And before I know it I will 60, miserable, lonely and about to die without ever having followed my own dreams. I will have lived the life that someone else planned out for me. And this is exactly what scares me about time. It doesn't give you time to take a break and think about your life, reevaluate and change a wrong decision. You can't push a reset button and go back in time to make a better choice. Maybe if I could go back in time I would have taken that gap year I wanted so badly, and would now be living this amazing life overseas. But we can't think like that, it will only make you sad. Everything happens for a reason. I might be 25 when I finally have my degree, but this is probably because it has to be like this. I will never become an interior designer and that's probably for a good reason. Because that life just wasn't meant for me. 10 year old me is probably in shock with how my life turned out, but you can't predict how life will go when you're that little of a kid. 

So that brings me to 2018. A new year. Maybe my year? Who knows. I don't know much about the future, but what I do know is that I am ready to leave 2017 behind. I have had some of my deepest lows this year and I am ready to move on. I have felt a great change mentally this year. I don't recongize myself if you compare myself to 2016 Sofie. But we are not there yet. This year I want to life my life. And not that from others. I want to live and stop surviving. 2018 will be a good year. But will I quit college? probably not. Will I find a way to do more things that make me truly happy and combine it with the things that don't? Probably. Life can't just be this perfect thing. Sometimes you have to do things you don't like. That's just how our society works. And I think I can live with that. 2018 will be the year I learn how to combine fun with obligations. This year that's were it went complete wrong. I didn't find the time to do the stuff that makes me, me. And that's when it's not ok. Organizing my time to it's fullest potential, ins't my strong suit. I constantly wait to do the the things I am obligated to do last minute, and that way I can't find time to do the things I am passionate about. While I know, if I organise my time right it will be possible to do both things.

So here are a few things I want to accomplish this year. I Will probably not complete them all but at least I tried:
1. Design my own T-shirt and sweaters
2. Bring out my vegan kookboek
3. Blog at least two times a month
4. Go cycling at least once a week
5. Learn how to shoot analog
6. Travel to 3 different countries
7. Save money for later
8. Pass my examns
9. Eat a more whole foods diet
10. Clear my skin

This will official be my last random, all over the place ramble for this year. Have a wonderful new years and I'll see you next year.


Love

9 comments :

  1. Oh je bent nog maar 21 haha je hebt nog zoveel tijd om alles te doen en te bereiken! Op nummer 1 op je lijstje even toevoegen: 'de tijd nemen om te genieten' ;) Fijne 2018 alvast!!

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  2. Try to focus less on the goal but instead enjoy the journey.

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  3. Hah, roerend eens met Frederique, je hebt nog veel tijd! En je hoeft niet alles al uitgevogeld te hebben begin 20. Komt wel goed!

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  4. Je wil zo veel en zoveel te gelijk...neem de tijd om te genieten.

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  5. Zoals de meesten hier zeggen je bent nog maar 21. Je hebt nog zoveel tijd om vanalles te doen.

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  6. Probeer te genieten! Tijd genoeg om alles te doen! Alvast veel succes in 2018

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  7. Mooie doelen heb je gemaakt voor 2018 ben benieuwd welke je allemaal gaat lezen hou je blog in de gaten

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  8. Inderdaad, je bent nog maar 21 (hoor mij nu een oud wijf zijn haha), het komt echt goed! ;-)

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