Sunday, September 17, 2017

How to deal with weight gain after restriction

Sunday, September 17, 2017
When you first start restricting calories, you think you have found the one solution to this long, ever lasting search for weight loss. When you really commit to the calorie restriction, you see results. Results you have been dreaming about for years. Those results start making you happy. They give you this rush, almost a high. They start to influence your happiness. They become part of your identity. Slowly they become the only reason for your happiness. Without the restriction you feel empty, lost and not yourself. You can't imagine a life without it. Giving it up sounds scary. It feels like that day will never come. But believe me, there will be a day where you can say you want to change, and really mean it. There will be a day where you are ready to stop. Where you're ready to heal. 

Once you made this decision the excitement kicks in. You're motivated and ready to change. You don't want the old behaviors anymore. You don't like them. They stop feeling like your identity, they stop feeling right. So you slowly start to eat more. Your body loves it. It notices that you're giving it the fuel that it needs to function like normal again. After you have been in a constant state of hunger your body needs a lot to make up for all that time it lost. It wants all those calories it had to miss. And preferably as fast as possible. So you start to eat, more, and more and more. You feel great. You have energy. You feel happy again. This cloudy fog falls away. You're you again. You're awake. Everything is great again. And you're still skinny. You start to wonder why you ever felt the need to restrict calories in the first place. "I was just being stupid back then. I can eat whatever I want, how much I want, and not gain weight. I can eat a normal diet, with the normal amount of calories a girl my age needs to survive, and not be fat."


Time passes and the restrictive thoughts start to fade even more. They seem from a distant past. And that's when you start to notice it. Just at that point in your life where everyinthng is starting to get better, at this point where you start to be happy with who you are and start to accept what your body is like. That's when you will look in the mirror and see fat. You will see fat arms, fat legs, fat stomach, fat ass, fat face. You will see a person in the mirror you don't know. A person you don't want to know. A fat stranger looking back at you. You will lift up you shirt and touch your own body. And feel the fat. Feel all the accesive amount of flesh you aren't used to. Flesh that wasn't there before. How could you have let this happen? How could you let go so much? Never loose control. That's the rule. How did I forget the rule? That's what happens when you neglect the rules. Your worst nightmare will come through. You will be fat. 

You will feel like shit for days. Cry. Look in the mirror. Cry more. Feel your body and feel like you're touching somebody else. Cry more. Look in the mirror. Feel lost. Cry. Look in the mirror. Stand in front of the scale, not stepping on it because you know the number will not be what you want it to be. Cry again...The point I am trying to make here is, you will cry a lot.

You will feel so alone, like nobody understands what it's like for you. Like nobody knows what you're going through. You will feel just so alone.

It takes time to adjust to the reflection you see in the mirror. It takes time to find it normal to see your thigh gap disappear. It takes time getting used to feeling you legs touch. It takes time seeing fat rolls on you stomach when you sit and not feel uncomfortable. It takes time seeing a double chin when you tilt you head and not want too walk around with your head tilted up like a crazy person. It takes time seeing fat under your armpits and not want to cry. It takes time seeing stretch marks and not feel like these legs aren't yours. It takes time accepting not fitting in your clothes anymore. It takes time getting used to feeling your body is present. It takes time.

But one day you will wake up after all the hard work you did getting over this past life. Ready to accept what has become of your body. How it looks now. How it's healthy. Because that's what it is, It's healthy. You were ill, and your body being this small was a sign something wasn't right. Your body gaining this weight back and even more, happend because it needed it to function. For you to grow into an adult woman/man. And I promise there will be a day when you can say you're okay and mean it. In a little bit of time it won't hurt so bad.

You will have days were you wish you could be like the old skinny you. Life would seem so much better that way. But you have to keep reminding yourself it won't be better. Stay realistic. Try not to dream about the past. Live in the present. You might have been skinny. But that was all. You weren't happy. Weren't social. Weren't functioning like a human being. Everything revolved around your body. The exterior. While life is so much more than your physical body. It's what's inside that counts. Your soul, your personality. Our bodies are just meat suits that we carry our souls in. That's what really matters. We get to experience these incredible experiences of love and connections. And this body is just something that you can carry this hart and soul in so you can do that. This flesh is something we have learned to put so much attention on in today's society, while it's actually nothing. It' just the surface. It's just that and nothing more. Your size doesn't determine you're happiness. And once you can accept and realize that, that's when life becomes wonderful and filled with happiness.

So how I deal with it is by making an effort to reflect on your past. Really look back on how you were feeling when you were this much skinnier. And make yourself realize you are lying to yourself for making yourself believe that that was a better time. Because if you are completely honest, you know it wasn't. Those couple years weren't great. And after that, reflect on who you are now, in the present. Realize how much more you are as parson. And see yourself as a person with this amazing soul and personality. Realize this flesh, this surface is nothing. Never forget that. Keep reminding yourself of that every single minute of every single day. Write it on a post-it and put it on your mirror if this helps as a daily reminder. Just make sure you never forget how great you are. And that size of your body has nothing to do with that. Nothing.



Love

7 comments :

  1. Wat een informatieve en goede artikel heb je geschreven en die gif pics zijn echt cool!!

    ReplyDelete
  2. Mooi geschreven. Confronterend ook wel, maar met goede intenties. Bijzondere blog heb je. Leuk om te zien met goede foto's.

    ReplyDelete
  3. It is good to reflect but also to look forward. I believe.

    ReplyDelete
  4. mooie blogpost. Goed geschreven.

    ReplyDelete

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