Friday, December 29, 2017

Leaving 2017 behind

Friday, December 29, 2017
Two days and we are officially in the year 2018. 2018. That's crazy.
When I was 10 the teacher asked us what we wanted to be when we were grown-ups. I knew my answer without having to think about it for a second. I wanted to be an interior designer. It had always been my dream to decorate these big houses, make them pretty and colorful. I knew I was going to be an interior designer someday, but I was so confused that the teacher was already bothering us with questions that were lifetimes away. It would take what felt like a thousands years before I would eventually be doing that job. At 10 years old time was only slowly passing by. The hours in one day felt like forever, imagine thinking about what someone could accomplish in 5 years or more. The thought of me being old was something I couldn't imagine and was something I thought I never had to worry about. I was this little kid that was never afraid of time. I never felt rushed to accomplish anything in life, because life felt like an eternity. I just lived. I just lived this happy unstressful life.


Wednesday, December 27, 2017

winter reads

Wednesday, December 27, 2017


1. Call me by your name by André Aciman

Call me by your name is probably a book you're familiar with. Or if you haven't read the book you have or probably will see the movie. It’s everywhere right now, and in my opinion, deserved. It’s a beautifully written story that will move you until the end.

Sunday, September 17, 2017

How to deal with weight gain after restriction

Sunday, September 17, 2017
When you first start restricting calories, you think you have found the one solution to this long, ever lasting search for weight loss. When you really commit to the calorie restriction, you see results. Results you have been dreaming about for years. Those results start making you happy. They give you this rush, almost a high. They start to influence your happiness. They become part of your identity. Slowly they become the only reason for your happiness. Without the restriction you feel empty, lost and not yourself. You can't imagine a life without it. Giving it up sounds scary. It feels like that day will never come. But believe me, there will be a day where you can say you want to change, and really mean it. There will be a day where you are ready to stop. Where you're ready to heal. 

Once you made this decision the excitement kicks in. You're motivated and ready to change. You don't want the old behaviors anymore. You don't like them. They stop feeling like your identity, they stop feeling right. So you slowly start to eat more. Your body loves it. It notices that you're giving it the fuel that it needs to function like normal again. After you have been in a constant state of hunger your body needs a lot to make up for all that time it lost. It wants all those calories it had to miss. And preferably as fast as possible. So you start to eat, more, and more and more. You feel great. You have energy. You feel happy again. This cloudy fog falls away. You're you again. You're awake. Everything is great again. And you're still skinny. You start to wonder why you ever felt the need to restrict calories in the first place. "I was just being stupid back then. I can eat whatever I want, how much I want, and not gain weight. I can eat a normal diet, with the normal amount of calories a girl my age needs to survive, and not be fat."


Saturday, August 19, 2017

Get me through the exams playlist

Saturday, August 19, 2017
It's August. Summer vacation. Normally I would be at a festival having the best time of my life. But I am not. I am at home, studying. So obviously I am fucking depressed, and have been for the past month since I started  with this "trying to study" thing, that's obviously not working out great... In two days I have my first exam and to get me through this miserable time I decided make a playlist that is making me feel a little better, and maybe if you are also in the same ship as me, it will make you feel better as well.


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